;P
70th post
rahhh so bored
Monday, December 1, 2008
Why Flash Mobs Are Great
lol, this is off some japanese game show
and as for the Adelaide flash mob... http://www.adelaideflashmob.com/
they also have a MySpace and Facebook. ;P
! No fair >=(
When did Shazz completely beat me in blog posts??? lol
104 to 66... >.< there was a time when we were practically even... lol i really don't care i'm just rambling.
besides there was that whole space of time recently where i haven't blogged as much...
rahhhhh
dshjkgfdlgjdflgjdf
let's go out and do something (:
or LGFUAD
ask Shazz or MCS fan ;P
they just kinda go together in my mind, as like, opposites (:
p.s. positives for last couple of days have been fairly easy, today ehhh i got nothing as yet but i'll come back with an edit (;
Friday, November 28, 2008
Hold me gently, I'm made out of glass
You make me feel
Like a star / beautiful / amazing / ugly / unloved / rejected / ecstatic / joyful / despairing / unneeded / valuable / content
Right now I feel good, hair straightened, legs silky, moisturised, wearing a slinky dress, heels,
And any one of you can boost that, or tear me down, with just one word, with a look, with an action you may not even notice.
Do you feel like a god, to have such control, well with power comes responsibility, and I'm trusting you, defenceless, remember, you're holding my soul.
I'm fragile, made out of glass, but am I a glass butterfly, precious to keep, or a monstrosity, hid out of sight or shattered in pieces thrown in the trash,
Hold me gently, I'm made out of glass.
A thank you to my mind
For seizing onto topic and bringing me distraction
WARNING - MAJOR BITCH ABOUT IRVING LOLOLOL
what a fucking whore
wait no she isn't a whore she's far too ugly to ever possibly one
The most desperate man would rather fuck his grandmother than her, and pay irving to stay away from him for the rest of his life, if only he didn't drop dead in the face of her monstrous appearance first.
I'm so angry, she sent a letter home saying I've missed a number of English lessons, what the fuck is she talking about, I turned up to the majority of those lessons, waste of fucking time as it was >.<
My mum is angry at me again, but dear god seriously what the fuck you prune faced bitch??? [irving, not my mum, thanks]
She's so cantankerous and so narrow minded and almost all of our English tasks are designed by her with such a bias towards what she likes, assignments on her favourite movies, assignments on poems she thinks are worth reading, stating her opinions with no sensitivity as to what may be offensive to some, unwilling to listen to others, set in her ways and so stubborn and refuses to admit another being right over her >.<
sfoijdsklfjd :@
Admittedly I'm only being so angry and so vicious in order to save myself here, from my mind, but anyhow. This is in general, not the overarching rule, and ashfkldsjflds
Anyway, gotta go do my hair, fun stuff.
Ze Bay and seeing Australia tonight (yn), then Kathleen sleeping over. Which reminds me, I have to call her.
And when it comes, it comes so quickly
That you're caught in its grip before you even realise it's there...
The rapid descent into panic, the shortness of breath, the racing thoughts, the headache, the inability to focus, the flitting from one concept to another, desperately trying to find something to settle on, or perhaps to go so fast that everything blurs and the panic, the panic which was caused by a reason you no longer even remember, the panic disappears. With that aim in mind, perhaps a walk, perhaps music during the night, yet in the day, when it traps you so fast, nothing seems to help, except intervention.
Outer intervention, a conversation, a friendly distraction. Help me, I'm trapped in a whirlpool, I'm being dragged down, pull me out.
NOW
I'd be screaming if it would put across the urgency better, and in fact I'm already screaming regardless, but it's all within, all trapped within, I need you to release me, calm me down, it's necessary for you to know of the turmoil within, only necessary for you to engage, and the storm subsides...
for a time, for a time...
I'm listening to music I like, that
I heard through Jake. His recommendation. His favourite bands. I dreamt about him again not last night, but the night before, at Hannah's. Nothing suss people, but I have had so many dreams with him...
I can't explain the feeling when I wake up, when he's not there... Not that I mean, physically there, because that would be weird... ;P
When he's not there in my life anymore. And I wake to that reality. And the memory of the dream is still fresh to me, the feelings and emotions, the friendship; and it hurts. That it no longer exists.
That it crumbled, and I didn't even see it coming. I thought it was just another one of our rough patches, and even then not that bad, that it was on the mend, again.
And right now, the pain of what has happened, the pain of not having him, not having my best friend, is so bad it is physically hurting. I don't like to breathe without him in my life. I don't want to breathe without him in my life.
It hurts to be alive without him in my life, to be breathing, sustaining my living, when he's not here! It doesn't make sense, why isn't he here? He should be. It is too much for me to take, that my mind reverts to this childish way of thinking. Selfish. Not understanding, but wanting clearly what I think should be.
It quite literally at this point in time hurts to breathe without him.
But it doesn't make sense.
And it SHOULDN'T be like this.
The nights when I wake, struggling to breathe because of the way it hurts so much, and this applies to Bec and Sacha as well, those are the nights I just cry and cry, if I can find the breath for it, that is. I wasn't lying all the times I told him that I needed him. All the times I told them all I needed them. I'm learning to live without him, to not need him. But I hate that I should have to. Perhaps it is a good thing, somehow. But I don't care. I would rather be friends with him than not, if being friends with him was the worst thing for me...
Jake, I think I'd love you now no matter what. I'd love you even if you were Russian and I never had the chance to know you, I'd love you if you hurt me in every possible way you could, if you tried to hurt me by hurting the other people I love, and I know you wouldn't even do that, but if you did... I still would love you.
I don't love people in a way that's easily thrown off. And you are no different.
I would do anything for you.
And I can't explain, ever, how much I miss you.
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