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Friday, May 8, 2009

The countdown is almost over, and I dunno what I'm gonna do.
I'm dreading it so much, and I don't know whether to be all like, fuck it, and just go out. Or if I should go, and not go to lessons.
I know I'm definitely going to that. I don't want the day to come.
There's one more letter I want to write, but I don't know if I can. I've been trying to, but everytime I even think about, I freak the fuck out. What would I say? omg. this is up for delete.
Idk, it was different to the others, they were all different, and that's what makes this so hard
I thought, yesterday, I thought, shit, I think I'm getting better at this. I hated that thought but I was kinda relieved. And then, today. Today was so wrong.
And then I saw the day, the day the countdown ends, and four others with all their attachments, in Maths class of all things, and I was holding back tears. And that brought more freaking memories because I cried so many times in Maths in year 9, with the other one. And she was the one person who saw me cry the most, and comforted me with my fucked up "nothing is wrong but i feel terrible" shit. But it wasn't even about her. I know this post is fucked.
I'm so angry, I have maths tutoring and my mum has gone to the shops and moved all my books and i can't find my textbook, and he'll be here in like 10 seconds what the fuck do i do.
It's like everything moves between being surreal and far too painfully real

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