Realisation

I have just pinpointed the reason why I specifically hate how my mum and dad won't talk to anyone at church about my overdosing. More than how I hate that my mum is so paranoid and so fearful of trusting people, I have known there was something more there this time, but I couldn't quite work out what, till now.

I know it's not that they are ashamed, but to me it still feels like I am the problem, the problem so bad that they can't talk to any of their friends about it, so bad that they have to hide it from everyone. And I don't want to make my parents ashamed of me.

I know it's not true, my parents are private people. But thank God I told Arvind. Well I told Amanda, Arvind's girfriend, and asked if she could pass it on to Arvind so they could both pray for my parents etc. Hah. And well I'm glad that someone will be, since the only other people who know are Helen from our church, coz she was working at the hospital >.>

And Ashan, another doctor at our church, coz his brother was working at Flinders and also saw us. But Arvind just rang, I'm heaps happy / excited coz Amanda messaged me on MySpace before to tell me that he finally got a job after over 3 months of searching, and it was a time of uncertainty while he second guessed his decision to make the move to Queensland for the job that was offered there. I dunno what happened with that. But I think his contract ran out or something. But he did meet Amanda there, and I sooo look up to Arvind in a way he never even noticed hah, but  I really do. My  mum has been talking to him for ages now, about my overdose blah blah. But it's good. Even though she was hell mad at me for, God forbid, telling someone about it, who might tell other people; come on I can make judgements on character, I'm not always right, but I'm willing to take the risk...

And now she has someone she can talk to about it (:

Heaps freaked about something else, but I'm letting it go till I know more.

xx