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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

everything is gay >=|

i hate everything and everyone

but not really i'm just angry at everything right now because i'm angry at myself, just a little, coz i don't know what to do in a situation

and i don't hate you, not any of you, because i love you, really, and i need you, i need someone to drag down with me, someone to keep my company so i don't feel so alone, to give me a reason to capitalize my "i"s sometimes, if you knew every little nuance of my writing you'd pick up so much more is nuance even the word last night i was thinking that i wish i could document every one of my thoughts for a whole 24 hours and show you show you all, it would be crazy even as i'd write one thought down in briefest possible form another 5 would be crowding my head and gone faster than they came, i want to keep everything written down and captured in pictures because i keep everything i keep your memories in my mind and your name engraved on my heart you impact me without having a clue all of you everyone who enters my life i trust you i fall for your lies blindly because i want to believe is that so wrong i'm rambling and how much of this do i even mean do i mean any of it of course of course i do but can you tell what i mean and what i'm just saying because it follows the train of thought i have and seems somewhat poetic, seems mysterious, i'm just a drama queen who wants attention but hates it i need to know you love me i need to be all you need for everyone but i never know what to do in situations i sit there helplessly with nothing to say, nothing to do, when someone is hurt physically i don't know what to do sometimes it's easier when there are actual things wrong there is stuff to say but sometimes that's not enough and sometimes i second guess myself i don't know what to do in situations but does anyone? when a friend asks you to leave them alone, do you go. or do you stay. when a friend leaves, do you let them go, do you not stop pursuing them, do you try to move on? i don't know every situation is different because every person is different nothing is ever the same its almost 11 11 of the 11th of the 11th, daymn we missed 11 11 of the 11th of the 11th of 1111, special day yes i need to do my homework i have so much to do but my brain is so filled with thoughts that crowd in on each other and every night my mood fluctuates so much every second it's insane i need to stop




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