I caught Jake glancing at me today, probably wondering what this stupid thing is that I've done (a message
I wouldn't have done so without the alcohol. Such hollow comfort.
I don't really need comfort, it's just irritating.
I wanted to tell David, just out of interest to see his reaction, but I couldn't quite. David is in one of my classes, and he was my first friend who was just a little bit more. For a quick summary, we have been good friends, and also both liked each other at the same time, in the past, but there has been a lot of lying on his side and I have been a little sick of forgiving him only to go through the same cycle once more, however, let's say, today I decided to try it again. I spent one of my frees with him, asked him to help me with my Classical Studies homework; I found one of the questions confusing (we are studying the Odyssey C: ) and thought I may as well ask him since he is repeating year 12 and has done the subject before. I also knew he'd love the idea of being smarter than me (which is painting a great picture of him for you, but he always thinks I'm way smarter than him), and I partly wanted to put everything behind us. Again.
I was still slightly apprehensive, because of the past, and because I know my two other best friends would disapprove, because of what's happened previously. Although I don't know if they care anymore, their former opinion would still hold if things were good between us. I don't want anything to jeopardise any possible future reconciliation. This might.
David used to be very important to me. But with everything, I am the least mistrustful of him when he says he wants to be friends. I am not keen to be friends with him. I have Lynley at school and friends in class. Oh and I think Mr Sheridan may have the impression that Lynley and I were making out at lunch today... She was hugging me and put her face to kiss me on the side of the cheek, afterward I turned to look at her and we just stayed like that for a while, because she's a very physical contact type person, even more than I; and with our hair falling over our faces, Mr Sheridan walked past behind us and I saw him turning the corner as I moved my head and he had a weird look on his face... Awkward.
I have lots of friends out of school and I have almost everyone I need. Honestly, I've given up hope of fixing things with Jake. That hope I had died a while ago. I just want the other two back.
Anyway, I don't really need to rekindle this friendship with David. I'm sure it will end badly again, although I don't want it to. And even if it doesn't, I'm going to have a crazy hard time trying to trust him now.
But it's slightly cooler today, thank God. (: