Now that my low of before (last post) is over, I'm back to the happier self I keep finding that I am, more than usual. The disappointing of others is something I hate, particularly my dad. So why is it so hard to quit the things that would make him unhappy, particularly those he doesn't
yet know about? He tries so hard to help others out of situations like the ones I jump into, and it's time I start being a daughter he can be proud of. That's going to be ultra hard. Karma's gonna be a bitch when I hit parenthood.
I want moments, when I'm a parent, like that with my best friend's nephew, Devin, today. Devin is newly eight and I've spent a lot of time with him lately, some sort of unexpected benefit of spending so much time with my best friend, especially during holidays. I remember trying to teach him to swim, with my best friend, when he was five. From then to the next time I saw him, he didn't remember me. Now he'll hang out just with me all the time when I'm over, showing me the stories he's written and trying out new impersonations and chasing me around the house in a tickling war. Today, he gave me a hug when I had to leave. Does that make me feel extra special? I know I bitch about little kids all the time, and I still think of him as one, but it's kids like him that reassure me I do want my own. (Still not too keen on the pregnancy/giving birth thing, but who knows?) While sometimes he is as frustrating as anything, he's so much fun to have around. I know, it's nothing like having to look after him all the time, and there's the dreaded baby stage to get past first, but it honestly is a joy to know him. So yes, that hug made me smile a lot, in a completely non pedophile way.
He is a never ending source of laughter, including his pretending to be female and putting on a very feminine walk while proclaiming in a high sing-song voice, "I'm a lady, I'm a lady!" repeatedly, much to our hilarity, although his older brother Miguel was much disturbed. The flower stuck in his hair merely added to the comic scene.
Aside - I just picked up on 11.11 for the first time in months, I hope you too made a wish. Regardless of how superstitious you consider yourself to be, it's something fun to do. I take this as a good sign, that I haven't missed it today. (:
Devin lives with my best friend's family and his mother, although with her impending wedding early next year, that is soon to change. I hope I'll see him again. I do love my best friend's family, with Miguel, a high school P.E. teacher and DJ, and their oldest sister Claudia, Devin's mum. My best friend's twin brother has, in turn, ended up a pretty cool guy, in stark contrast to his painful primary school years. I spend enough time over at their house that, as Miguel puts it, I should be paying rent.
I miss that, with my family, that casual family camaraderie. I get along great with my sister, like I've said, and also with my dad sometimes, an occurrence that grows ever the rarer, to my sadness, and my relationship with my mum is terrible. When our family is together as a group of four, it usually ends in arguments, screaming and tears. Occasionally a good natured bickering will be the worst it gets, but I miss the days when we would properly converse as a family unit and tempers wouldn't flare so quickly. I'm partly to blame, of course. We all are. But even with all of our fighting, I love my family and I know I can rely on them when needs be.
So anyway, today. It was supposed to be spent with my best friend Kathleen, our good friend Michelle, and Jimit, who Kathleen hasn't met yet but wants to. Jimit is Michelle's ex of two years ago, and trust me, she does not have a problem with us ever getting together. Conversely, she encourages it, far too enthusiastically, speculating about a possible marriage between us in the future, and even goes so far as to mention children at times. I try to head her off before it gets this far, but that is the way she is, even when Jimit and I were simply friends. She tends to think ahead like that.
Michelle was busy and then Jimit was grounded, and so, it ended up being Kathleen and I. We had a good day. Nothing notable, but there was much laughter, much good music, much falling over, and far too much (and far too loud) singing of High School Musical in the open street. Kathleen tasted my coffee, decided she liked it, and ended up drinking half of it which I in my excitement over her liking coffee gave to her. This resulted in extreme hyperactivity on her end for the next 45 minutes and much hilarity for me. I imagine she is exactly the same when drunk, but apparently caffeine will get the same reaction and, no hangover? What could possibly be bad about this situation? Nothing. ;D We ate curried tuna from tubs in the middle of the mall and attempted to slurp melted Maxibon ice creams in the food court. There were extreme amounts of "I love you"s, "I hate you"s and "You love me"s exchanged, an obvious some in jest, and much spontaneous rhyming and over dramatising throughout the day. Good friends were bumped into and we deliberated long and hard over presents for upcoming birthdays, ice cream type, pie or water, and various items of clothing and music. We bought books and recommended more to each other, and swapping of objects took place. We were laughed at by a number of other people, and contemplated where else we may possibly apply for jobs. I even did some Maths homework while in her company.
All in all, it was essentially a good, while largely uneventful day, the details of which are not important. It was the company. I’m very lucky to have such a friend, who I have known for such a long time. Unfortunately I cannot say we have been friends as long, since for some time in our last year of primary school, we hated each other for some ridiculous reason. Together with Michelle we make an indomitable trio, and is that not the way friendships should be? After all, love conquers all, and a very real and necessary form of love is that in the bond of friendship.
Dear god did I really just get that sappy? Perhaps Nic[h?]olas fucking Sparks has infected me… Granted, I read those three or four or five of his books months and months ago, but they still haunt me today. Separately, they’re great. But back to back, I don’t think I could vomit fast enough. If I threw up over such things, that is. Seriously, guys. Do not read too many of his books. You may kill yourself over the predictability of the endings, the way a man can think so like a woman that he details the shaving of her legs in the shower [!!!] and the oh so perfect happy endings. I’m all for happy endings, but a little realism also hits the spot, y’all.
Anyhow, die Madre bids me fare the interwebs goodnight for now. I shall see thee all in the morrow.
P.S. Pray I finish all my homework before school starts. I’m probably just going to die instead, but whatever Trevor. I am really that lame. You wish you were as cool as me ;)
P.S.S. When I mood swing only once, and only into reflections and not "oh I hate my life" emo type shit, in a day, I think this day was pretty kick ass. Apart from that one thing but srsly what the fuck man. I honestly don't get what's the big deal. Oh, maybe I'm being insensitive. I like to do that sometimes. But -_-
P.S.S. Don’t forget. ANZAC Day. Lest We Forget.