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Sunday, May 24, 2009

as for my desperate need to feel safe.

Yeah I'm not actually going into that, but, basically, I've been way too scared over way too many things way too many times. Serious, huge things. And small things too. The small things I can deal with. But the things that make me scared, the big things that I can't necessarily protect myself from... I'm not so good at handling that, anymore, if I ever could, which I highly doubt.

and I terribly want to never feel that way again. Even once is too much.

Although I'd say there are worse feelings, none which I can explain in just a few words, and I don't have the effort to go into them in detail now.

... and in the ten minute break I took from writing this post to Failbook and other crap, my mood has sunk, badly. It's been worse, not so bad I can't fake happiness or even force myself back into that, but its finding the desire to want to be happy that I struggle with. And since I'm not really talking to anyone, there is no motivation. Am I better? Hell yes. Better than I was, but I'm not all better, not yet. But I've learned to fight this shit. You got through to me in the end. Somehow. But seriously, you'd be the reason why, every time, I choose to not stay in this thing. Sometimes, the exbestfriend too, something he said once. But mainly you. A little late, I know. But better than nothing, yeah?

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