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Monday, May 11, 2009

"My Depth Perception Must Be Off Again"

To be perfectly honest, I am dreading tomorrow. I will explain then, but for now, today has been rather a... queer day. Oh, you better believe I just said "queer".

I saw one of my best friends' dad on the bus home from the city tonight (I had to visit the State library. If possible, it was duller than it sounds, for all of the 5 minutes we were actually there. But that's a story for another post.). That was a little awkward.

Today I found out about a new couple. I was freaked out, to say the least, although everyone else seemed completely unfazed, saying it had been a long time coming. I tried to say how it was like if the exbestfriend and i had started going out, and the friend I was with just looked at me, and I admitted that, yes, okay, no one would have been surprised at that with the exception of myself. We could never have been together. Trust me on that. I wouldn't have wanted to risk our friendship, even with my friends urging me to take the chance because it might be worth it, and as much as I wanted to listen to them, I knew he didn't like me, and even if he had...

But that is all null and void now.

Anyway, if we had ever become a couple, I would have been the most shocked person. If I had a clone, she would have been shocked too. What can I say, I am completely unperceptive, totally oblivious. I just... don't pick up on things. It's irritating.

But so I was freaked out by this.

A few people were upset today, and I hate how I never know the right thing to say, I hate how I get the crazy urge to smile in an uncomfortable situation and then my efforts to suppress it leave me with a sickly looking grin/grimace.

This morning began by stepping almost directly in front of a car which I didn't see when crossing the road. It wasn't that close to be honest, but I suck at crossing roads and always freak out. To tell the truth, I was trying to pull myself together. For those of you who don't know, the exbestfriend lives directly opposite me on my street, but I have not seen him leaving for school in all this time, until today. I lost my thoughts for a few minutes there.

And then, meeting my friends getting off the bus, I somehow managed to meet eyes with another one of my best friends. It was an awkward moment, as those always are... But today, I dunno, it seemed different. Like she was trying to find something. Maybe it was just coincidence. Maybe it was me, after this past weekend in the blogosphere.

I don't know. I wish I did. Those looks are like... I know I've described them as dead before, as wrong. Whereas such a look before would have led to recognition and a smile, and going towards each other, it is now like accidentally catching the eye of a stranger. But worse. I think she said something similar about it, but I can't remember anymore...

I'm seeing Phantom of the Opera on stage on Wednesday. I'm excited, but organising lifts, etc., is hectic, not to mention schoolwork. Speaking of which, I need to do some now..

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