I hate myself currently. Or to be more accurate, I hate that I get
this way. I'm grumpy and moody, irritable, upset, emo, you name it.

I'm just pissed off at everything, at the way I feel bloated, at the
way I haven't seen Chip in weeks and shan't for another week, at my
utter lack of motivation and the general mediocre quality of life at
the moment.

Perhaps it is because, in taking antibiotics for the flu, I had to
stop taking my iron and vitamin D tablets. That does usually affect
me. But that tends to be straight out depressed or mood swinging. Not
this ridiculous, bitter, cynical, harsh attitude that permeates even
whilst happy. It coasts along under each and every other emotion and
damn if I'm not MORE bitchy than when PMSing. Yes folks, you read that
correctly.

I'm pissed off at people I don't want to be angry at, angry at having
to maintain conversation with Chip. I don't know how anyone can or why
they would put up with me when I'm like this. How can Chip stand me?
Why doesn't he break up with me??? Why is he with me?

I just want to feel like I am doing something with my life, getting
somewhere, being successful...

The other half of me just wants to do something violent.

Towards myself, preferably, but who cares?

I shan't.

But it would be soothing.

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