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Monday, September 14, 2009

This doesn't make for entertaining reading.

It's just an update, since I've been word vomiting on here for a while.

Chip called me the other night and I was upset over something else which I'd rather not go into, so I had missed all the signs that he was in pain when we were emailing each other prior. I almost didn't pick up because to be honest I was a little mad at him. We both were frustrated and took it out on each other. But I'm so glad that after about the fifth or sixth call, I did pick up. He was hurting pretty badly, and I didn't know what to do because I wasn't there and I couldn't hold him. I rambled on about stuff. But in the first quarter of an hour, I had to ask him if he could call me back in five minutes. Make that three. I didn't want to spend that long away from him but I couldn't even control my breathing as I listened to his painful, tortured intake of air. So I hung up, bawled for a few minutes, and composed myself before he called back. Got a drink of water, which was my excuse. Carried on as before, trying to act normal, curling my toes and trying to sound calm as I kept myself from further tears. It hurts to see him like this. Hurts more to hear him this way, because I can't help as I can when I'm with him.
The next day, after talking, he promised to see a doctor, and was prescribed strong painkillers and sleeping pills. Last night he took them and managed about four or five hours of sleep. It's scary that that's a good thing. Better than fifteen minutes though. Hopefully we'll get there, although he's really worried about the possibility of suffering mild depression and/or anxiety as a result, which the doctor warned him may occur. I hope not because then he'll stop taking the tablets and will stop sleeping again...

As for other aspects of life, they're doing okay. I know he and his heart are all I've been blogging about, and I'm sorry, but it's kinda been uppermost in my thoughts and that, of course, is what this blog reflects.

Proper post soon.

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