MLIG

Honestly, why haven't I been around?

Firstly, let me say that I've missed it, this whole blogging thing. The feel of community amongst those who have never met face to face or never would have if not for the blogosphere, that real friendship and all the laughs, all the stories. From those my age to those in their fifties and beyond, blogging has been an adventure. Now if it sounds as this is a retirement post, relax Max, it's nothing close.

I first began my blog almost eleven months ago. My blog and its audience and my blogging friends have changed drastically since those first days and weeks when I sobbed out my heart in HTML and custom font. Still a little too used to LiveJournal, perhaps. And with a heart in severe need of mending.

I hadn't realise I could hurt like that, feel so broken, so shattered. Not for so long. But then, I'd never thought those friendships could dissolve, and so rapidly, without any logical reason or explanation, in my eyes. A lot has changed and I think that those of you have been reading all this time could agree that I am a much stronger and resilient, even happier, person. Although I ceased my self harm in early July, it is this year that I have come to value myself even more highly, and learnt even more about acceptance, of myself and in every way of life.

I slip, a lot. Mood swings have been rampant these past weeks. Possibly a by-product of sleep deprivation. But, you see, le Boyfriend's parents have been away in Europe since August the 4th. And what would two teenagers not quite in love and carrying on a relationship without their would-be-disapproving parents' knowledge, do with this opportunity of an unsupervised house? No, not that... They would obviously spend as much as time as possible together at said unsupervised house... with clothes...

Cue a lot of lies - "Oh, mum I'm sleeping over at Jeorjette's/Shani's/Catherine's house tonight", a lot of close calls, far too much missed school than is sane whilst in one's final year of school, and considering the fact that it is Toivoa and Chip we're talking about here, a lot of crap and painful things including near break ups that has only resulted in us being even closer than before. We're talking car break downs, almost being caught sneaking out, accidental destruction of gifts, serious health problems, really bad jokes, some lengthy visits from that self destructive, heartless, psycho bitch side of me; and trust me, her showing up reminded me just how much I have not missed her.

The remainder of the time, I've been stressing about school and English teachers, not doing nearly enough work and discovering amusing sites such as MLIA, amazing sites such as MLIG and in particular, Gives Me Hope, which really does give me and a lot of other people hope. I've gotten my ears pierced, finally, been to a friend's formal, had le Boyfriend come to church with me, been drunk with le Boyfriend, and crossed a lot more items off on our make out list... I'll post it some time. I've banned myself from Facebook for a week, twice, and exploded Carbonara sauce in the microwave a couple more times than I'd like to admit. I've had the most dreadful arguments with the 'rents and missed friends like Raspberry Hatter and Elizabeth; wondered about Michael Rivera, hankered after reading a bit of Lilu, to name a few.

I've been missing people and been experiencing nostalgia for a past that I've never known, and my increasing "emotional chameleon" state is of likewise increasing intrigue to me. I've been out winning awards (well, only one, really) and buying books with the subsequent book voucher prizes, which I have then been too busy to read, or have misplaced somewhere in the house. I've been destroying phones and breaking stuff and getting down but somehow, never out. It's been bumpy, disheartening, but good. I am happy.

So why haven't I been blogging/reading/commenting? I'd like to say that I've been saving up blogging material for you all, but that would, unfortunately, be a lie. I've been lacking time and topics and the ability to write, as well as questioning whether I am truly cut out to create and sustain an entertaining blog, but I am going to say, with some trepidation, that I am back, and looing forward to this, you sexy sexy bloggers, you. And my posts shall NOT be as terrible as my previous few, I promise that.

But one more thing. I have another blog, which is pretty much exactly the same as this, but uncensored and without, well, at the moment, without anyone reading it, but without people-I-know reading it, therefore, a few extra posts you will never see here. I'd challenge you to find it but I'd love for it to have an audience asap, so drop me an email, yes, an email, and, I know, who the fuck uses email these days? Anyway, send me an email, and I'll let you know the password (or URL) to my cave of hidden wonders... /any sexual innuendo derived from that is totally a result of your own warped mind...

Oh and P.S.? (I know I said one more thing, and this makes two, but shush...)


I'm not in love, no, but I love Chip more than I can say (and trust me, you're going to be hearing rather a sickening lot about that in posts to come), and I can truly say that right now, he is the only one I want.



P.P.S. Just realised that I began this post with the line "Why haven't I been around?" Geez. Not to sound desperate to be slutty or anything, Toivoa. Besides, as I was telling Chip the other day, I'm too fucking good to be slutty, or a hooker, or a stripper. Problem? You be the judge.

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Let's fuck this shit up y'all.

Just a few points.

- The alarm clock that my parents use to wake me up in the morning if they're both at work makes me want to fucking die. It is evil and its shrill sounds were concocted in the cesspits of hell.

- Tonight is going to be one of those nights where homework gets done only by caffeine and light of a phone under the quilt... Not fun.

- While today was not productive school wise, I did piss off vast amounts of people simply be repetitively singing the Shrek karoake dance party song, or whatever the hell its called. Day --> definitely successful. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you're more of a douche than the guy who essentially broke up with a close friend over Failbook. Really.

- For the record, you dickface of the previous point, if I was gangster and violent and shit, right about now and yesterday I'd be all like, "Let's fuck his shit up! Son of a bitch goin downnn." I'd obviously throw in some "Aww hell naww"s, something about getting all up in his grill, and definitely "being about to bust a cap in his ass". Luckily for you, I'm not like that, or *insert gangster slang for "i'd kill you" here*. That's right. I'm not someone ya wanna mess with.

- I've been like this all day. This is why I should sleep more and this is why I was asked to "sew [my] lips together like those people in refugee camps". Detention centres...

- I have friends who obviously love me greatly. See former point.

- Oh, Mr Orange. To put it nicely, please staythefuck out of this situation. You know what I'm talking about.

- As for said situation, it's better than it's been in the longest time. Since... August I think. At least, I think it was good.

- I've wished for ages that my eyes would change their shade of colour in accordance with my mood. Today I mentioned this and was looked at like I was crazy. Which is probably true, but still. It would be cool and nothing changes that! Take that, bitches.

- I laughed a lot at something I said today. Yes, I'm that annoying person who finds their jokes hilarious and laughs for ages, while everyone around them hates them for being shit at life. It's all just a part of my day. But anyway, "I put the 'ass' in 'class'. Classy." Bitch, please.

- On that note, this post draws to a close. I'll be back tomorrow with some more of my stupid shit, possibly a further rant at afore-mentioned "dickface", maybe even a post on my long neglected "Let's Talk About the Tour Guide", or perhaps some more of my gloomy outtakes on life. Coz I'm emo like that.

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Oh yah, it's Easter. Happy Easter and all that crap

So I was all like, I really want to blog this Sunday night on Easter, since it's been a few days. I racked my brains for hours (or the minutes in between episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Yes, I have that little of a life. Although, I am killing time till I go out, so there.) However, my brain isn't really a fountain of ideas at the best of times. So as I started this post with literally nothing to write about, I mentioned Avatar, and because I am a kind and good person, gave you a link for those of you who are curious. Now, what site did I link you to? The official website for this show, which there must be because everything has a website now? Hell no.

The link leads to the freaking Wikipedia article about it. Now, we've all been told by respective teachers and god knows who else that Wikipedia cannot be trusted. In fact, most sources on the internet "are not reliable". But come on, does anyone really believe that? I mean, everything on this blog is a hundred percent true. ;) Hmmm. Let me think about that.

No, no, actually, I think that is correct. Except those times when I write stuff and say "That was a lie" right after it... Yeah.

On a side note, I think it's pretty cool that my blog is getting hits from faraway places like South Africa, Spain and Brazil. From people who are actually reading and spending a number of their minutes of their life actually reading what I have to say. When seriously, what I have to say is... well, a whole lot of nothing, really.

Hmmm, anyway. So, Wikipedia. If you're like me, you've edited a Wikipedia post yourself, adding a whole lot of crap. The ex best friend showed me a post that had been mangled hilariously once, and come on, it's a lot of fun. And yet, we still trust what we read there! Unless, I hope, it has been obviously edited...

We are slaves to the interwebs. I, in particular, am slave to the blogosphere. I cannot part from it for long, even if I am not posting, or even commenting, but merely lurking. Yes, I lurk. I know.

I'm kind of obsessed with the Death Cab For Cutie song I have playing on my blog. That said, I am aware that music that automatically plays on any site is irritating as shit and anyone who causes it to happen besides the love of my life aka MySpace, which I have sadly been parted from for far too long, should be shot in the head... So shoot me.

I'll delete it soon, I swear.

Anyway, off to Movie Marathon it up or some shit my best friend and I haven't actually worked out yet but are trying to and failing because she is trying to make me make a decision from our one option. We only have ONE option, how can I not make a decision? I guess I'm just not willing to commit.

Which reminds me, Chris and I have pretty much broken up. Much hurrays and also much boos. Pro number one - Jimit is now friend with benefits again hellz yeah. I mean sure, we only hook up so perhaps friends with benefits isn't the right definition, but w/e. Okay I'm trying to look at/on the bright side and I suck, but I am actually happy about that which was one of the major downsides, in my view, of going out with Chris. I'm a terrible person.

I suck at life aha. Good night interwebs.

EDIT: What the shit is it about Easter that makes people say peeps? Not one, but two bloggers happen to have posted today using "peeps" in the title of their post. Yes, only two. But come on, it's not a common word... Just go with me on this one kayy?

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I love Google Analytics

What kind of person googles this? "Well i just found out something really random. i found out that i've been so insensitive about things. ugh! i dunno what to say anymore (lol). i swear"

Just sayin', that is absolutely ridiculous to actually try to look up...

I will admit, this search that lead to my blog amused me somewhat - "you better hold on tight spider monkey what does this mean" (thanks to one of my posts bitching about Twilight)

and while I like shoes, a lot, this also worries me a little. They are just shoes.. "point out that cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life?"


Conclusion - People search for the strangest of things over the internetz.

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My Blogging Pet Peeves

Well, I think if you read my blog at all, you can quite easily see that I complain, a lot. I am not afraid to be far too verbose about it. Do I use "verbose" in the right context? Gosh, I hope so. I don't know why I just said that. Gosh, I mean.

So right now, I'm going to stop, take inventory, and tell all of you just what the hell irritates me when it comes to bloggers. Yes, I am here to spread cheer and goodwill, just like Santa. That is, like Santa if every kid had been bad and was getting coal... and a beating. On that joyous note, gather round, younglings.

1. Those who put up "captchas" for anyone who wishes to comment. It's irritating, and really, consider that it is to prevent spam. How often are you spammed on your blog in the comments? Not often, I'd dare to assume.

2. Those who selectively allow comments by others. While I do moderate comments, it is only because I hate getting notifications sent via email, and use this instead, although it does make for confusion at times. I will post any and all comments. Of course, if a comment is truly hurtful, then you have every right to delete it. But if it is merely someone disagreeing with you, leave it up. What are you, three?

3. Those who do not adjust the time on their blog. It's really not that hard.

4. While some people expect replies to comments they leave on posts, I'm not so fussed. It's pretty much courtesy, but that is at the blogger's discretion, particularly if a comment merely saying "lol" has been left. Come on, what suitable reply to that can even be made? That being said, if you are going to reply to some comments on a post, you should reply to everyone who has commented so far. You can at least refer to a couple of comments in one reply.

5. People who read and read your blog and never comment. Unless you don't want it to be known that you are reading said blog, then... that would make sense. I am guilty of this at times, since I follow almost too many blogs to keep up with. Or sometimes I'm just antisocial. Still, it is bad. Everyone loves comments. Spread the love.

6. Those who follow your blog simply because you follow theirs, when they don't have the slightest intention of ever reading yours, and are not interested at all. I'm following your blog because I like the content, not because I want more followers of my own. That's pathetic, and I wouldn't stop reading your blog because you don't read mine. I just prefer a more accurate portrait of who is interested in my blog. On that note, does anyone know if, with the new Google Friend Connect, it is possible to make someone "unfollow" your blog just by clicking, as you could previously do?

7. Blogspot bloggers who have removed the "Followers" option. It is the easiest way for us to receive updates to your blog. I do not use Google Reader, and chances are, if I can't follow your blog, unless I really love your blog (like Your Beard Is Good ;P He's really funny), I will not remember to check it regularly. Of course, if you don't use Blogspot, like Chris over at Surviving Myself, this doesn't apply.

8. Yeah nah that's all the bitching I can come up with for now. What can I say? I love you guys in the Blogosphere, you make my day. It is true, I spend my days thinking about what to blog about. When I reach a computer, there is nothing but emptiness in my skull. It sucks, but know that I try, for you, and only for you. (That's a lie. It's not really for you. But let's pretend, it makes this easier for everyone.) Just gonna put it out there - you guys make me laugh, smile, cry, think deeply, realise and learn so many things, and cheer me up when I'm down. You're amazing and I'm so glad to be a part of this, even though my blog sucks. Because, again, how many of my followers actually read my blog? I know for a fact that there are several who Numero Sechs. Yes, That was Spanish, I think, and then German. Fine, fine. Nummer Sechs. That's #6 to those of you who do not have the superior German skills I have... [/sarcasm]

And bloggers, I'm curious. When you access the blogosphere, do you read others' posts first and comment, or write your own posts first and then check out everyone else's? I can't even remember what I do, but I think I actually start reading others', begin my post, keep reading others' in between, finish mine, read others', and wait for comments and for other people to post... Yes, I have no life.

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Good News / Bad News?

I am really missing Chris.

P.S. I really want to someday find someone for me who the lyrics of this song will be just right for -


Here [In Your Arms] - Hellogoodbye Music Code


Update (11.41PM) : I have a confession. I'm delaying getting off the computer as much as I can, even with my mum yelling at me (a lot), because I don't want to go to bed. And to sleep. Where I will be alone.

I'm so scared to be alone. I just want someone, anyone to converse with.

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Midnight Munchies Attaaaack!

So maybe I've been watching far too many episodes of Pokemon and Digimon online recently thanks to Surf the Channel and it's way past midnight (2.08AM), but that's neither here nor there. I'm so...  hungry. I crave something, but I don't know what. See, usually, when I'm up late and get the Midnight (and onward) Munchies, which we'll abbreviate to the M&M's coz I'm cool like that, it is Doritos that I desire.

Not this time. Well thank God because we currently have none in the house, I guess they haven't been on special lately, but the problem is that I don't even know what I want. I crave something, but nothing comes to mind. What specific taste is it that I need..? We have Fanta, which is great, but I can't drink it since it's not even supposed to have been opened yet... The only cookies we have are too sweet and painfully crunchy. We have no chips. Yeah that's about it.

Chris will be away from school for another week. I talked to him for the first time in over a week on MSN on Saturday night, but not for very long since he had to leave for dinner. He had his tonsils removed so he hasn't been at school, and since my phone is broken he can't get in contact with me. We're also both barely on MSN. I just... expected to miss him more. Now that I've talked to him, I do, I think. I want to talk to him properly, on the phone, or something. Not likely until I can somehow get my home number to him since he keeps forgetting to save it. I'm paranoid that he is getting over me like I always do with other people.

I miss the ex best friend. I miss the others. I miss Jimit. And Justin. And sleep.

I want new clothes. I want to watch the Jetsons and further episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I want a sleepover and a night in town. I want the movie drinking night I planned with my best friend Nick where we watch our favourite movies and have lightsaber fights coz we're into Star Wars since we're such cool kids; and hang out and drink together (because that other time does not count and we've agreed never to mention it again). I want to drink champagne with My Mofo's friend DJ and on the other hand do girly stuff; I want DnM's with a girl who will tell me what I need to hear and I want to skip lessons to sit outside KFC in the morning waiting for the chip shop to open, and go to the shops after school rather than straight home; I want a friend to walk home with no matter how much I love my sister, and good friends to hang out with in frees, not people that honestly I hardly talk to.

And damnit I want to know what munchies I crave and I want to eat them! OM NOM NOM (damnit Jake, looks like you won me over in that argument...)

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