I am really missing Chris.
sixty times before I'd kick the habit."
I was all set. I had my blog post planned out, title and everything. "Back in the game". And the body would simply be a picture. The cleaned up post-shot, not the one taken as blood streamed, unchecked. Startlingly, vibrantly red, forming lines that merged into one another and flowed, something unspeakably, inexplicably beautiful and peaceful in its deliberate, premeditated violence.
I had the area in mind. It would be simple and clean, just one. Or option two; a crazy release, but carefully controlled. But preferably the first option, just one cut, down the back of my leg. Inconspicuous. Excuse - Scraped against a tree.
I don't know what triggered it today. It was worse for that, and to be honest, it holds me in its grip as I write.
The other day, in Biology, I got cravings. But that was understandable, you know? We were doing a practical that involved slicing up liver of some animal. I was the one cutting it up. The scalpel blade and leftover headache from the morning, as well as feelings of dizziness, lead to my high susceptibility to cravings. Holding that blade, imagining it all clearly. I had to leave for a few minutes to clear my head.
Here, there was nothing. No trigger. Today is my mum's birthday and all that caused me to determine is to make dead sure she didn't find out. That wasn't enough to stop me. Haven't I caused her enough pain?
It was a wild tumble of emotions; missing my best friends, fond remembrances of times with them, upset at how much other people's opinions influenced my actions, at how my "brother (who isn't by blood but we count each other as siblings" obviously disapproves of my being with Chris; terrified that Chris will decide to join the army full time within a few weeks, and not next year, and if full time, would be gone for 18 months; and missing everyone I hadn't spent much time with lately. Tired and unable to stand against the turbulence of all this, I just wanted to do it. I half tried to believe "just once", just one more; because the last time wasn't much of a send off, although the depth of the scar would beg to differ. It would be nice to do it properly, end that part of my life well.
It was a lie, I knew that. If I did it "this once", it would be my chance to return to it. And I had been nine months and two days (longer than "pregnant time"). At the time though, it didn't matter much.
The faster we're falling,
We're stopping and stalling.
We're running in circles again...
Cause I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep,
Up above in my head, instead of going under."
I'm okay and I can make this, but only if I want. And sometimes I just want to cut.
And,
sometimes it wouldn't feel like giving in. It would feel like satisfaction. Like what I want. "And you might say it's self-indulgent
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be happy"
It's a lie, I know. It's the need and the addiction clothed in something else, disguised as something better. Not done to stop the other pain, to release. But underneath the reasons are still there, still the same.
I'm clinging to this;
"I am not a pretty picture.
I am not a project or something for you to fix. I am a beautiful mistake, I am a mess, I am tragedy I am fairytales. I am a story, as are you, and with every line across my wrist I was screaming and with every tear that I shed I am praying for me and you and "them" and us. We are not alone we are in this together and I am on my face tonight. And darkness screams behind the door, it is begging, fighting to get in.
THIS IS WAR.
And I will not let it in, I will not sucuumb to your sweetness. I will not be betrayed by the kiss of a blade by the liquid that gives to take and I, I will not swallow those lies that sit on my plate. Brake. Shatter. Collide and fall. Pretty poison. I used to think I should come with a warning lable, I thought I destroyed everything that I touched and now, now I see, now I know it was not me it was the Hole it was the monster that came in and wrecked everything I know...and love...and love and hope would not let me go. And love and hope grew arms to reach me when I was running and wrap me snug in a hug that my heart had longed for oh so long. And love and hope in stars and hearts on my back on my arms and in my heart as mine, for me to give to you and that is what the pain was for. And that was worth it all, and more."
but I'm inclined to let go and jump back into the abyss. And do so gladly. Not falling, screaming, hating myself for this weak lapse. But with delight, like meeting an old friend again after a long time apart.
Bring me to my senses.
Seriously, half the time, at this community service week (it finishes at 6PM rather than 9PM both tonight and tomorrow), I would prefer to spend time with Justin and my other leaders than people my age. I love other teens, don't get me wrong. Like my new friend Monika, who turns 15 tomorrow. She's 14. That seems insanely young... And then there are Amber and her boyfriend Luke (who is sooo cute /dies), who are 15. Cale, who is in year 10 this year at my school (although I've never seen him around before although he's seen me lol), so he's 2 years below me in school, is 15 and a half. He constantly sounds like he has a sore throat, and he has really long dark hair that should probably be cut, which he is getting done on Saturday (and I hate when guys get their hair cut coz it rarely looks good), and braces and a tiny bit of acne; but like I said he's really nice. And a little bit of a flirt...
I hate being friends with guys who are flirts, even without meaning to be, because I think I start flirting with them back, without realising. Although, apparently I flirt with guys heaps, but I've never noticed that I do. Yet, so my friends tell me. And I think I do, looking back, but I really don't mean to. It's just kinda how I am with guys near my age, unless I am completely un-attracted to them or they are my friend's boyfriend or something. Although I guess I still act the same way around them anyway.
But. Justin. I'd pick him anytime. And my other leader, Kristen, is amazing too, although she's just 19. Most of the leaders are awesome. James Bowden is also fantastic, so mature for his age (21).
Today, my friend's younger sister told me that I was really pretty. I was like, uhm. Because her (and her twin) are both absolutely gorgeous. Haha that was a whoa moment for me.
For those of you who don't know, Justin was my small group leader when my friend and I did Big Week Out two years ago. We adored him and spent most of the week with him. He is now 28. When we first met him he was already married to a chaplain, and he was a youth worker. He is really smart, caring, fun, nice; basically everything good. I look up to him so much. I have told him almost everything; not the recent friends thing, but about my self harm since even before it became serious, my issues with myself and my mother, with God. He has been a great help, and there for me in those two years whenever I have reached out to him. He's offered to teach me to learn to drive in a manual, although I'm not sure how serious he was. But how cool would that be? Especially if it means I would get to see him after Big Week Out! He is the most amazing person, and if I could spend all of BWO with him, I would. He's pretty busy with organising things for it though. He was my event leader today (we did an afternoon today and painted over graffiti), and after our event, back at the base, Cale and I were sitting together in one chair (a tiny bit squashed, but he was warm and so I was comfy), and Justin was sitting next to us talking. I haven't really talked to Justin much this BWO, which I'm so disappointed about. Hopefully I will.
He noticed that I wasn't eating lunch today, and he knows about my hating to eat and all the reasons why; but I walked away from him so he couldn't make me eat something. But I love that he cares about me.
Tomorrow I am donating blood, which I am really excited about. Not having eaten much, it may be a problem but we'll see. Since Tuesday I've eaten two chocolate bars and a handful of shredded cheese (I was hungry when I got home today), and we shall see how it goes tomorrow. I hate eating during school time anyway, and really, I have put on so much weight.
I know, it's not a good idea, it doesn't work, and all that. People have been telling me that for far longer than I've known Justin. But... I just don't know.
So anyway, Cale. I have noticed that I have a problem in which, when practically any guy starts to show interest in me, I consider the potential for something more than friendship. I don't want a relationship. But you know what I'm like in desperately needed to feel like I'm good enough, and if a guy likes me, that makes me feel like I'm pretty enough and am acceptable as a person; although I also partly think that they are somewhat deluded... usually, I will end up liking them in return, at least for a while. I also don't have very many guy friends. So when I do, I kinda want them to like me, even if I don't like them. Because like I said, it makes me feel good enough. Even though I'm still scared I'll never fall in and stay in love with someone who will love me back the same way.
Completely off topic - You know what, I almost feel ready to listen to "Rise Above This" again. It is my all time favourite song (thus far), seconded by "The Way She Feels" by Between the Trees. Rise Above This by Seether is the song that gives me hope and courage to live, no matter what happens. It's a song I haven't listened to in over five months, since things fucked up went to hell with my three best friends. (I didn't want to want to keep going. It also reminded me of one of them, the one I post about the most, since he also liked it.) If you're interested, take a look at the official music video on YouTube, it's amazing; about a boy considering killing himself. Or, here are the lyrics (Yes, they are pretty elementary, but still) -
"Take the light, and darken everything around me
call the clouds and listen closely, I'm lost without you
Call your name every day when i feel so helpless
I'm fallin' down but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken
For all we know, this void will grow and
Everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open
Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me
Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt
I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)
I'll mend myself before it gets me
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)
Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Forty eight ways to say that I'm feelin' helpless
Fallin' down, fallin down', but I'll rise above this, rise above this"
Apologies for any typos or errors, it's a mere copy paste.
As for specifics on Big Week Out, tomorrow. It's been great so far (:
I'm not going to get it.
Things like that don't come wrapped up. Maybe it won't ever come at all. But I'll still wish for it, each and every time I catch the clock at 11.11. First just a thought, scared it will move to 11.12 before I'm done. Then in word form. And sometimes out loud, under my breath, just to make sure.
Next I'll run around the house waiting for each other clock to hit the same number, and I'll wish again. Just in case, I wish on 10.22PM too, because that's 22.22 in 24 hour time; perhaps that has some magical property too... And even though I don't even believe there's anything special about 11.11, I wish as hard as I can anyway. Because maybe it will help. Maybe.
Somehow.
For the first star I see each night, I stumble through the rhyme I barely know, just so I can make this wish.
"Star light, Star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I make a wish
With all my might.."
It's something along those lines...
I'm not superstitious. But I'll take the chance. It can't hurt. Nothing could hurt more than this
I'd do anything.
Just for some Simple Plan, "Another day, is going by, I'm thinking about you all the time... But now you're gone, And I can't think straight... I close my eyes, And all I see is you, I close my eyes, I try to sleep, I can't forget you."
"And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now."
These lyrics seem somewhat at odds to me. If I could rearrange them, they would look more like this: -
"You got me wrapped around you,
I can hardly breathe with you
So I was trying to disappear.
But I got lost in thoughts of you,"
Or something like that lol.
Mmm love the song. Half Alive by Secondhand Serenade. You have probably heard their song "Fall For You" lately. It's been getting loads of radio play, within half an hour, in three different shops, Kathleen and I heard it three times. In that entire day, we heard it about 10 times in different shops and in the car on the radio. I can't even bring myself to hate it because of all this mainstream exposure.
Yeah I don't know why but I hate listening to mainstream music that everyone knows. Although I like people liking the same music as me. I love the alternative scene. And I don't like the metal scene but I love the music (:
Anyhow, I heard Secondhand Serenade through my recommendations on Last.fm, not through the radio >.<
I'll explain more about this whole disliking radio music because it is radio music later, probs just add to this post.
Hope you're all having a great Christmas.
"Is it broken?
Can we work it out?"
I've never wanted anything more.
"Between who you are and who you could be,
Between how it is and how it should be;
I dare you to move,
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor,
I dare you to move
Like today never happened.
Maybe redemption has stories to tell,
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell,
Where can you run to escape from yourself,
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here...."
i love this song, because I think the lyrics are very important.
The lyrics to the entire song are worth thinking about, but I have picked out the end of a verse, the chorus, and the closing lines of the song to display here. It's my "motivation" song, to keep going, to remind me that I can't escape problems by trying to run away, to hide; when I am trying to run from who I am. It can't be done, and I don't have to go anywhere else to fix that which is broken, the answer, "salvation" is already right in front of me. I have to stand and face what's wrong rather than hiding from it...
God knows I need this reminder more often than not.
This song, essentially, is about courage, having the courage to live life, the way it should be, regardless of the pain we may face, because pain is an inescapable part of life, but we shouldn't let it stop us or drag us down.
And that in the pain, getting through it and moving on, we can learn from it.
Part of the challenge of this song is to get up and make the changes that need to be made. There's a song by John Mayer with the lines "We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change." This song has always slightly annoyed me in that, waiting does nothing. And change does not come about through doing nothing. There's no good in "waiting on the world to change", we must actively do our part to change it. Every person has the power to change the world. To take that first step; who knows how that will inspire others to also do the same? We may never even see the extent of the impact we have, but we definitely can't wait around for other people to start something. We have to "be the change we want to see in the world" or however the saying goes.
I could go on with quotes from random things, eg.
- "A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man can make the difference between victory and defeat." - The Emperor, Mulan
and
- "A single raindrop raises the sea." - Dinotopia
;D
These lyrics also speak about hope, and if you've read many of my posts, you should know that hope is something vital to me, vital to everyone, I believe.
It is what keeps us going.
Because there always is a reason to keep going. And this song is my challenge to have faith in that reason, even when I can't quite see it or feel it; to know that there is a reason and keep living life. To quote To Write Love On Her Arms or specifically, Renee Yohe, yet again "The stars are always there, but we miss them in the dirt and the clouds. We miss them in the storms."
The stars are still there behind the darkness, and so is the reason to live, so is hope. Sometimes it takes a little blind faith.
Life wasn't mean to be easy, it is something that takes courage, but we aren't alone in this. I've said this before we are a sociable creature; we were made to live with each other, to interact and depend on one another.
----
QUESTION: What are the twelve days of Christmas? I mean, why??? It's Christmas Day... So what is the meaning of the whole twelve days of Christmas song, and what is the significance of 12, specifically? I'll do some research [or e-search ;P] on the internet, but what are your thoughts / knowledge on the matter? (:
----
I'd just like to direct you to the blog of Comic Book Superzero for a post I found extremely funny ;P
xx
Okay, so I have approximately two major complaints with Blogger.
Numeros Unos
or whatever, aka, #1. That one cannot merely comment others' profiles or message them, as on most social networking sites. So maybe I'm far too used to MySpace, but since even Last.fm and many other music / miscellaneous sites also have this feature available, why can't Blogger? It would be sooo handy. Or a status update, like Twitter. Either or both would be lovely
#2, which happens to be relevant to me at this point in time since I am mucking around with my blog layout. If I choose to show my labels, or tags, on my blog, the only options I have are to show them alphabetically or in order of frequency. What I want is the option of not showing tags unless they are used more than once, since the length of tags trailing alongside my posts is not something I find in the least bit becoming. I mean, it's not like my archive listings take up enough sprawling room...
Of course I could merely remove labels from my blog page, however, I want them there. Just not all of them!
Frustrating...
Anyhow.
These lyrics are so hopeful and sweet and uplifting, heartwarming, yeah you get the drift...
While I haven't heard the song, I love the lyrics, and may get around to listening to it sometime, but even if I dislike the music, I will still take away the meaning in the words, which is the most important thing!
So anyway here they are (:
"Show the Way" by David Wilcox
You say you see no hope, you say you see no reason we should dream
That the world would ever change
You're saying love is foolish to believe
'Cause there'll always be some crazy with an army or a knife
To wake you from your day dream, put the fear back in your life...
Look, if someone wrote a play just to glorify
What's stronger than hate, would they not arrange the stage
To look as if the hero came too late he's almost in defeat
It's looking like the Evil side will win, so on the Edge
Of every seat, from the moment that the whole thing begins
It is...
Love who makes the mortar
And it's love who stacked these stones
And it's love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness love can show the way
So now the stage is set. Feel you own heart beating
In your chest. This life's not over yet.
so we get up on our feet and do our best.
We play against the fear. We play against the reasons not to try.
We're playing for the tears burning in the happy angel's eyes
For it's...
Love who makes the mortar
And it's love who stacked these stones
And it's love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness, love can show the way
major meltdown here
And I just hope you're missing me too
uncontrollable sobbing and gasping for breath, hyperventilated type breathing, my mind is a mess
i am a mess
"..i need you to try and save me,
it's okay that we're dying,
but i need to survive tonight, tonight" this
I am actually so freaked out. I hate flies, am scared of spiders and am fine with most bugs except when I just feel them and think they're spiders on me. I'm terrified of blow flies. But most of all. I hate so much the flies that crawl more than they fly. They have the creepiest legs. And they just hang around. There is one around the keyboard right now and it's terrifying me so much. I am freaking out so badly. I keep flapping my arms, if you saw me you'd die laughing but right now, I'm about to cry. They scare me so much :(
In my mind they are obviously infected with disease because they look like it and are likely to bite me coz they're insane, they're not normal flies, I mean why would they crawl... And infect me with like, malaria. Or just, I dunno. /agitated face + mannerisms Toivoa does when scared like this.
and if it comes on my face, I'm trying not to scream coz Deborah's in bed and stuff
BUT OH MY GOD I would freak out silently so bad.
Like when I'm so scared but bite my hand to keep myself screaming because I can't do anything or something, I dunno
aghhhhhhhhhhh
GET IT AWAY FROM ME
:( :( :(
had I known how to save a life"
~
Today is Remembrance Day.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old,
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Beautiful and so poignant.
It is important to remember.
You see me looking at you
and I already know, I wanna love you..."'
haha sorry but that actual makes me lol so hard, the lyrics are so out of place in the cover The Maine does of I Wanna Love You but i love it anyway
Punk Goes Crunk ftw (:
also i think emo music, while more depressing and stuff, is better than like, rap and hip hop and stuff and rnb even because they are rather explicit, for instance "i wanna fuck you", the unedited version of this song by Akon. If alternative / emo / the music i listen to music does talk about sex it usually isn't direct referral. Sure, they will have "fuck" in their lyrics sometimes, but not too often and not like as in the verb. More how you'd use it in everyday life, if you use it.
And our music is not all about sex, drugs or killing people. >.< So that's one up for us ;P
would you still have walked away?
I'm curious. ^_^
The memories aren't so painful anymore, I just remember them and smile, nostalgic. It's seeing you that shocks me into remembering that it shouldn't be like this.
And when I don't see you, I hate that too. I seriously am going to end up stalking someone someday lol, I don't handle endings to relationships of any kind well, unless I initiate them.
I think about Jacynta a lot these days, like, this is what it was like with us from her point of view. Analysing the differences and similarities, trying to see if I could really be that cruel.
It makes me feel so sick to see him talking to my sister on Last.fm. It's fair enough, NIN are his favourite band, but still. I want that. I want him to talk to me. About anything.
J (L)
"It's at the point where I should leave you alone,
But we both know that I'm not that strong..."
I can't let go, and I'm sorry.
Hah I was just listening to some old stuff, (L)
Just thought I'd put the lyrics in here.
I do not have the ex best friend partly in mind here.. <.< Of course not! Haha.
Except I am not going to let him or anyone make me forget or "unlove" him...
Even if it was possible, as put forth by song lyrics ^_^
"How can I unsay the things I said to you?
How can I undo the things that we used to do?
Tell me how can I unfeel the way I feel for you, how can I unlove you?
How can I untie the hold that you got on me?
When you won't unchain my heart and set me free.
How can I unremember every memory, so how can I unlove you?
I'll never never uncry tears that I cried when you said goodbye.
No I'll never never unmiss the thrill that I missed when we used to kiss
How can I unsay the things I said to you?
And how can I undo the things that we used to do?
Tell me how can I unfeel the way I feel for you, how can I unlove you?
Oh I'll never never uncry...
How can I unlove you, how can I unlove you, how can I unlove you?"
Let's just set the record straight, do not take "the things that we used to do" in any kind of sexual way hah. >.>
I will write a more interesting update blog like the one I began to write at 5 this morning before falling asleep >.< , as a reward when I have done my CTS essay and can concentrate. Don't hold your breath waiting.
Kate just posted a blog on how everyone attempts to attain perfection. This struck me as slightly odd. So I'm going to throw in my own two cents on the matter...
Personally, I have never felt the need to be perfect. But perhaps it is hiding under another title? Let us examine this ;D
I can never recall wanting to be perfect, as such. I never thought that I could. It is unattainable, in this life. We are but people, marred by the human condition, and not as a Christian but as someone who has seen different attempts to better this, I would say God has the answer.
Feel free to disagree with me on that, I know some of you don't believe in His existence or think that if He is real, well let's just say you don't think too favourably of him. I have seen many people who think like this, and I think it is sad. That people blame God for the bad things in life. What about Satan? People laughingly say things about the devil, but never think to blame him for the bad things, God bears the brunt of discontentment at the negative things in the world. Of course, this probably has a lot to do with the numerous people who do bad things in the name of God. Consider that they may claim to be doing God's will, but are they really, honestly even in contact with God, or perhaps the devil in his most favoured form of subtle deception, not outright wickedness?
But since I myself am not a Christian, I'm not really the right person to defend this view. I do agree with it. I do believe in God. As yet, I remain undecided on the whole thing. I don't know what stops me. But let's save spirituality for another time / blog. It's a fascinating subject to say the least.
Let me just add I am listening to Perfect - Simple Plan to fit this theme hah.
AND OMG. I just realised. In the live version, when Pierre says "let's give it up for" all these different bands, he mentions Billy Talent. I only just heard them for the first time a couple of months ago. And I knew they were from Canada. But hah how odd. To me..
Moving on.
As "people, marred by the human condition..." we should never expect to reach perfection. Of course, we all have unrealistic expectations, of both ourselves and others. But, and again, this is personally, I relish being, not perfect. I like having flaws. Since, after all, everyone else too. Think about it this way, if we were perfect, if life was perfect, we would have nothing left to do. Nothing to work on, nothing to work to, everything would get relatively boring, to my manner of thinking. Strange how inversely optimistic and cheery I can be in certain ways.
I don't expect to ever reach a state where there is nothing for me to improve on. That said, I do know my flaws. I do know that there are things I should work on to improve myself. But at the same time, I am learning to be content with who I am in the moment.
I don't know how I can keep talking about this without bringing God into it.
It is because no one is perfect, no one can make it on their own, that God steps in. Those who blame God and ask why he didn't make us flawless, why he didn't make us to automatically choose the right thing, think about it. God gave us the freedom to make the choice. He gave us free will. If we were just, essentially, mindless puppets, that would not be a very great life. So in His love, he gave us that choice, knowing the heartbreaking pain he would experience as we made the wrong decisions. Because, like anyone who loves someone else, when something happens to that person that causes them pain, anyone who loves them will suffer too, they will experience pain.
I know that some of you don't believe in God, but I just can't see how things work when you take God out of them. So much just doesn't make sense without there being something out there, something unexplainable by the laws that supposedly govern the universe. So, you could take God out of the picture, but to not believe in ANYTHING, something, that defies explanation, I cannot see it. God, to me, makes the most sense, and perhaps that is my upbringing, but I have been given a lot of information on this, my dad talks to people every single Friday night who believe all different things, or don't believe in anything, and discusses the possibility of Christianity being real. To do this he must have some convincing proofs, and people do find themselves changing their beliefs during these conversations. My dad is not just a persuasive speaker, he has arguments that are backed up with proof. And so, I would say that I have reason to what I believe, although I'm not so good with remembering it hah.
But everyone believes different things, and I'm okay with that. Note again that I do not believe in relativism.
Gah back to topic.
I think that society is a lot to blame for people's desire for perfection. Not to just pass off the blame onto society as a whole, but the values that we have come to admire through the celebrities and people we place on pedestals. And if we see these people as being better or more important than us, whether subconsciously or not, if even they are going to, in Kate's words, "prance around with anorexia, striving to be a size zero", as one example, in body shape and weight areas, then what are we going to think? That if even they are trying to be more of something than they are, when realistically they are fine in that area; in holding themselves to unrealistic expectations, we doom ourselves to taking on these same desires. We sometimes create the pressure on these people, it is really a never ending circle and who is to say where it begun? Whether or not it is too late to fix these kinds of issues, I cannot say. Sadly, I am inclined to believe it is not possible, too many in the industry, media and film producers and all the people behind the scenes are too selfish and are all too busy reaching for these impossible goals that they place them above others' welfare. So they demand thinner celebrities and the like.
I could go on about that side of it for hours.
I agree with Kate that we can "strive to be "perfect" because it gives a meaning to life." Everyone needs to have a meaning to life, a purpose that gives them something to live for. Because if they wake up one day and realise that they, really, have nothing to live for, it would be terrifying.
Whether our purposes and reasons to live are delusions, unrealistic goals, or whatever, we rely on them. We need them. I just think we need to look closer, look for a more solid purpose. There is so much more to live for than to try to be perfect. And even in this media controlled, desperately searching world, there is hope. So many people are reaching for perfection. Searching. Perhaps they are looking for the wrong thing. What is it that we really need?
No one should feel the need to be perfect. I'm not asking you, if you do, to just throw that away. I'm not that unrealistic. But I believe there is more to live for than aiming for perfection. I would not aim for perfection. I would aim to love. Because love can do a lot. Love can change the world. Make no mistake, love is the most powerful thing out there. It can overcome almost anything. It can help with all the pain in life, it can help carry you through. I don't mean just love in a partner type situation. I mean every kind of love ever thought of, every single kind of love that perhaps hasn't even been able to be expressed through words. Not love in words, but love in action. Love human to human, reaching out to one another. There is not enough love in the world these days. But I think if we love as much, as fiercely as we can, more than we think able, that is the best we can do. Love is painful, it is sharing other's sorrows, taking on pain you don't have to feel.
But it is my belief it is the right way.
Sorry if I am coming across as heavy handed. I get carried away..
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