I don't know how and I don't know why

but I think I like it anyway.

I really like Chris. He needs a blog name, no?

Right now I'm not going to think about how he has to go away sometime this year for his marine technician training or whatever the fuck, I don't understand the specifics. I'll ask him about it shortly. It may be soon, or it may not, but for now I am going to be happy that he is here and we are together and he likes me, and be content with every moment I do get to spend with him. And I won't be selfish and cry when he does leave, I'll keep missing him to myself and, you know, all the complaining to friends I am sure to do, since actually keeping anything entirely to myself is something it seems I am utterly incapable of doing...

And, I know most people these days despise smoking. But, I love fire. Almost as much as I love the sea. And it's not hard for me to go from loving smoke from an ordinary fire to that of a cigarette. Yes. I know. I'm insane.

He smokes, which I only found out on Friday night. Only occasionally, so I'm definitely not complaining.

P.S. I'm fucking weird when I'm drunk. But I really don't care. It's a lot better than when I go into "crying drunk" mode. I spent a whole night completely inebriated without even remotely wanting to call the ex best friend. That worries me, but makes me happy. I don't want to stop wanting him back.

P.P.S. I listened to "Rise Above This" by Seether for the first time today since the ex best friend became just that. It was my absolute all time favourite song, it encouraged me like nothing else, especially the music video for it. I love it. It was connected to him far too much for me to listen to it, and I didn't want to want to be better, so I've avoided it like the plague. But today, I was finally ready to listen to it again. I started crying, but it was good. The music video has always made me cry. Again, though, I don't want to need him less. Hmmm.

To homework.