"Just going through the motions"

Today, as of 15 minutes ago when it began, happens to be the exbestfriend's birthday. make that 16. He's 17 today.

I don't think I can even make myself miss him anymore.

I don't want that; I want to keep missing him like it's been a week since our lives so suddenly and utterly diverged.

Is it still healing if you're fighting it with everything you've got; if it's the last thing you want?

I do not want this.

I loved love you.

I don't want to let this go.