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Friday, June 5, 2009

time does strange things. but then, so do i.

i refuse to miss you when i see you walking past, when you're behind me in the canteen line, when we're standing a metre apart in the same room. i refuse to acknowledge you as more than a stranger; beyond that, your presence is irrelevant.

because it's what i've learnt to do.

and because if i let just one thought through, it's opening the floodgates to a veritable deluge of memories and emotions and i can feel my eyes growing darker, darker, pooling to black as i am flooded; although i know this is not visible.

sometimes i even have to stop and think; best friend, do i miss you any more? the answer is still yes, but i'm getting better at forgetting...

2 comments:

  1. I'm going through something similar. It's hard, but it's getting easier as the same time. Or maybe that's just what I tell myself. Anyway. I wish things could be different for you and your ex friend. ):

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  2. This has been going since August of last year. You've heard me talk about him, or rather, read what I write about him, many many times. Pretty much anything tagged with JRLB, his initials. It's getting easier, I think. But I almost don't want it to. I want him to be important, I want to feel the pain of missing him everyday because that's all I have left of him and if I don't even have that then I don't know what I'll do...

    I hope things work out with your friend. My other two best friends who were involved and I have just started talking again and I'm so happy that we have at least resolved things, even though it's going to take a lot of work to ever even get near where we were.

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