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Monday, October 27, 2008


I feel empty and flat again. I think it's the seeing the ex best friend and the half looks, the way I'll be with someone else and talking and see him and just completely forget what I'm saying. Or see him and try to formulate something to say to whoever I'm with so I don't look awkward, I try to act normal, but I can't, I can't even form a coherent thought, it's like my mind is struck by complete blankness, there is merely a sense of fumbling for something that isn't there.

Ahahaha I just got this from him

ohmygod. he deleted all my messages in his shoutbox on last.fm ever

anyway i got this from him

27 Oct 2008, 00:47

Re(2): -

You're right, there is something more.
There's the fact that I can't stand the mere sight of you.
Fuck off.
On 26 Oct 2008, 23:58 Toivoa wrote:
try actually reading this. please. it will take about 20 seconds.
what doesn't work anymore?? that was me talking to myself.
i agreed because i figure, i obviously did something. since all you told me is you thought i was ignoring you or something.
i figure there has got to be something more. since, as i explained to you, i wasn't. if i didn't walk to school with you, it was because i was late! the one occasion i actually did not want to walk with you, i told you.
i was talking to you, the last day i talked to you we walked home together, then we didn't talk on msn that night and i didn't know why.
the next time i saw you was friday after school when i was letting deborah's friend in the house and we didn't make proper eye contact or i would have waved, and then when i was at the bus stop. i hadn't even realised anything was wrong!
the only thing you had said beforehand was something along the lines of "why haven't we been able to have a decent conversation recently?"
you still haven't told me what i did to start it
On 26 Oct 2008, 22:24 ExBestFriend wrote:
a) You admitted yourself that they were pointless, before going on to state that you're "good at being pointless" or something like that
b) You told me to disable the shoutbox if i don't want you to leave messages in there, that's how it's relevant.
"Fucking typical of me" bawww bawww grow up it doesn't work anymore
c) Once again, you started it. I've told you in the past that you put this on yourself, and you agreed.
I'm not responding to you anymore

ahahaha okay that is going to hurt so much later, but for now, I'm just amused in like some state that I know if I don't find it funny in some way I will be off slashing my wrists somewhere, there is that tightness in my stomach but for now I'm amused beyond all belief and at the same time, I feel so dead.

I'm almost tempted to give in and feel the anger towards him, but I refuse to. I am hanging on to what he means to me. I'm going to miss him. But for now, nothing.


  1. I am getting sick of this...

    I hate seeing these things, I've had to stop myself shouting at Jake myself at times.

    Hardest time so far is when he was deleted ur comments, i went on his page when he was doin it so some of them where missing.

    I'll leave it for now, hopefully you will work it out, but honestly I can't see that happening, but always I have hope that
    A: You work it out
    B: You move on
    this is the one I prefer you didn't do
    C: Linger for months to come feeling down
    But if you do do the last one I am here to listen =).

  2. i say, make the most of what you got

    and smile the days away


    optimism gleaming through

    and if yuo cant find your optimism, then i shall be your for you


    love you

  3. I don't know what to day.
    I've never seen this harsh, cruel, unyielding part of Jake.
    But there's a lot of things I've never seen.
    I can't understand why he's being like this.
    But I don't know the facts, so I can't pass judgement.
    I love you.