Lashing out

Bitter bitter bitter

Toivoa is really bitter and upset right now. I have been blogging too much lately. Like, these past 3 days or something. I have kinda abandoned my diary for this

Oh god I miss him

It hits me in waves, of emotional and mental and physical pain

Which reminds me, this morning in church, i had one of those stabbing pains in my stomach i haven't had in god knows how long, really viciously painful that just comes and goes in an instant and leaves you gasping for breath

please tell me that isn't starting again, and the other pains that stay longer, and the randomly not breathing properly

okay that even distracted me from friends for a moment, i was panicked about something else, and that is better than panicked and sad about jake hahhhh. oh god

i'm so angry and sad and sick of this