And yet. Yes, YET ANOTHER POST ABOUT HIM/THEM.
For more diverse topics, see my previous posts of the night (morning) on my sunburn (sigh).
But anyway. So we're talking on MSN. Gotta love 3AM conversations. Actually it died at about 2.39, apparently. So it lasted a fair while this time. Good sign? Perhaps.
I am a very openly emotional person. One of those who will blurt out everything she feels when its not necessarily a good idea. At all. Who feels the need to express her feelings and thoughts and fears about a situation so that everything is understood. And so.
I keep wanting to tell him everything. About how I'm scared to talk to him again because he may do the David thing. Yes, I still have to post about that, so you understand. But, in summary, it involves a friendship that exists on David's whim, where we will be close for a period of a few weeks or months and then he will barely speak to me, and not talk to me for a number of months, before the cycle begins again; with a little bit more than friendship thrown in occasionally too. I used to like him, a lot. Oh, and I don't know if I can trust him, with the conflicting things he has told me, to push me away and bring me back at various times. I'm scared now that my best friend is talking to me again, he will decide he doesn't want to bother anymore sometime and stop, once more, and I'll have to go through it again. HE'S NOT DAVID. But I'm not all that rational...
What else would I like to tell him? How much I miss him, how I would like to sneak out and go for a walk with him, because I think if we spent time together, things would fix themselves pretty much instantly; how I dream of him in a completely non weird way, how I think of him everyday, and try to explain how much he means to me? Should I bring up the whole hooking up thing and explain that it's not to do with that at all, I love him, and as a friend, not as anything more?
Some of this stuff, I know I should keep to myself. Others, I'm not sure. Thoughts?