|| Ze Cast || Funniest / Best Blogs on the web || My Writings ||

Best viewed with Mozilla Firefox/Google Chrome

Please don't feel as though you have to follow me in return of my following your blog, I'd rather you only do so out of genuine interest. C:

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Letters to People IV

Dear J,

This is for you.

What did you think about what I said? I know what you said your response was, but of course it was more turbulent than you can express... I didn't do it to taunt you, or just for the sake of continuing it on. There is an essence of truth to that statement, even now. How could I forget all that passed between us? Even with all that has happened since, you know that, I've spoken of that connection we still hold. I still feel it and in some ways I still care. In some ways I don't, because when I chose to cut ties, well, I found with you that I'm pretty good at it. But it's never been entirely without regrets.

And the argument "what goes around comes around" could be put to good use here, hey? That was the last thing I expected.

Don't think I never miss/ed you. There are still times when I remember little things. It will never ever be the same, even if you could forego your perfectly justified wariness, and even though sometimes I have wanted to. I won't let myself entertain such thoughts, to be honest, because things have changed. That friendship was one that I feel should be left in the past, just because it was a good thing, and I don't want the memory of that damaged. There is more to it, that is true. I'm not quite sure what those things are, though. I'm not sure I want to.

But that song, it brought you to mind for me, and sometimes it still does. It wasn't that long ago but we were so, so painfully innocent that it feels like another lifetime. I don't know that I can connect to who I was then, I can only look back as through a misted glass, but I somehow brought with me that connection between us up until now, and probably a while yet. And you know what?

It's not utterly, completely, wholly true now, and yet, in some ways, it still is.

Until the day I die.


  1. Every time I hear that song I think of you. It's one of the few things, concerning you, that still hurts as though a fresh wound has been marked upon my soul. I don't listen to it often, but when I do it's always for a reason.
    What did I think about what you said? Well, it reminded me of the message from way back, when you first quoted those lyrics to me. Reminded me of the time I accidentally stumbled across the song and recognised the lyrics and how it hurt to listen to that song for the first time. It reminded me of memories both good and bad. Of earlier times. It made me think about why I was still affected.

    Eh, there's a lot more to it. But I can't think of the rest right now. Most of it was contained within a few seconds. The rest lasted a while, but slowly faded from my mind.

    I can no longer really connect with who I was before. I am quite different. We have both changed so much. As is the way of life.

  2. You hadn't heard it until after we were no longer friends??

  3. Indeed. I'd heard you talk about it, but never actually heard the song itself.

  4. Wow. I had never realised that. Heard Rise Above This? That's mine.

  5. I have, it's on my phone. Good song.
    I have two songs that deeply affect me and both for completely different reasons. Odd.

  6. The other being?

    Oh yes, I do recall, I played it in the common room once off your phone. Exbestfriend was there. It was a fucked moment.

  7. It has such a long name.
    'You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Head In The Clouds' by Mayday Parade. Association fuels most of that pain. I listen to it more often than 'Until The Day I Die' though.

    I didn't even notice that he was there that day. Wasn't very attentive I guess. I was in a fair bit of (physical) pain.

  8. You know, you thought it would go away or you would learn to deal with it but damnit it is getting worse and you need to do something about it :(

    I know the one, love it, haven't heard it in ages

    Care to inform me of the association?

    You wouldn't notice. I have a radar that notices his presence. Sure, it's off since he got his hair cut -_- but it still works a bit. Irritating - makes me tense.

  9. I know what you mean. It just doesn't go away. Ugh.

    I discovered the song during one of my bad mood swings. It's got a sad feel to it already, and it, er, kinda fit how I was feeling, if that makes sense. I associate it with the intense feelings of sadness that I used to get, without even meaning to.

  10. Yah, Jimmy Eat World depresses me without fail. Got it. That sucks, specially when it's good music. Unless you want that. Which is neither here nor there. seen my new prose? not that i'm fishing for comments/feedback >.<

  11. Ah, that song also evokes other feelings within me, which is why I still love it so much, despite the other effect.
    Yeah, not good when limitations are put on music.

    I'll read your story later, if I remember =P
    Just about to go to bed.
    Can't promise that I'll comment though xD It depends.

  12. Hah, well check the two latest posts anyway. Leave a comment on the earlier one at least please.

    Sleep well.