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Saturday, December 27, 2008

I'm scared that I'll still miss you even when you're right here.

I'm scared that this feeling will be permanent.

I don't just miss you. I miss what we had. I'm scared that will never come back. I'm scared that maybe I'll always want it, even need it.

I don't fully function without you. My life has sorta shut down since the three of you left it.

I cannot put it into words. You have no idea. Hopefully you never will. Hopefully you do. It hurts to breathe without you. It hurts to live without you. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem like living. And when it does, that's painful too. Because my heart rebels against the idea that it could even be like this.
This half... thing we have right now is killing me.

And more than anything I'm scared, that I'll stop missing you. That I'll stop missing our friendship. I'm scared I'll move on. I want to keep this dependence.

p.s. Thought from Tatum Reid at Finding-me - "Trust: something that takes forever to build, and takes but an action... a word....a look... a second...to utterly destroy."


  1. Trust lost is very hard to regain, and even then it takes complete and very rare forgiveness to regain the same level as before. True friends will usually forgive.

  2. What do you really want that you aren't getting?

    Please e-mail me if you feel okay with sharing. The difference between a friend and an 'acquaintance' is large. I've been through that with the same person for three years now.

    I don't know what to say except to share. I'd love it if you'd e-mail me and I could tell you in private.


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